[New Woman, 16 January 1999, this was online]
Stephen Billington
as interviewed
by Loriene Hayes
NW: Meet the man with Street cred.
NW: What's Greg like at the moment?! He's behaving like a right dog.
Stephen: Yeah, I Know. He has no shame. But it certainly makes life interesting for me. I get to be a rat and not hurt anybody.
NW: You're not a tosser in real life then?
Stephen: (He laughs) No. I haven't got the front. Sometimes I wish I could be more brassy but I'm too sensitive. I let my heart rule my head.
NW: Where it on your sleeve do you?
Stephen: Yes, in the sense that relationships are about honesty and trust. You have to be emotionally vulnerable for a relationship to work.
NW: So, you'd never do a Greg and embark on an affair with a married woman?
Stephen: Being attached to people who are attached is never a good idea. Sure, if you meet someone and fall in love there's nothing you can do about it. But I do tend to avoid people who are already in relationships.
NW: So what do you have to offer a single gal?
Stephen: I'm a very independent bloke in terms of looking after myself...
NW: Yeah, you were late because you were doing your bloody ironing!
Stephen: Sorry about that. But I can iron and cook.
NW: Do women come back for seconds then?
Stephen: (He looks at me as we acknowledge the innuendo). They do indeed.
NW:
You're into eye contact, aren't you?
Stephen: So are you.
NW: (Our eyes are still locked and I can feel my spine tingling).
Stephen: Stop, I'm blushing now.
"A lot of men - me included - see women as the fairer sex."
NW: Does dating make you nervous?
Stephen: Incredibly.
NW: How do you handle it?
Stephen: Dutch courage. A couple of glasses of wine is generally the best option.
NW: (We pause to order some Chardonnay from a waitress who can't stop smirking when she recognises Stephen.) Nerves aside, how would you like to improve on this date?
Stephen: Get in a cab, go to the airport and fly to Barcelona. Pop into a nice restaurant - courtyard, palm trees, Rjoja - and then obviously we'd ... (He stops mid-sentence and stares directly at me).
NW: Blimey, you're a fast mover. But we've only known each other a minute Stephen. Can't you think of another way to thrill me?
Stephen: We could do something more energetic.
NW: That sounds interesting. Like?
Stephen: Sporting activities, water-skiing...
NW: Why on earth ...?
Stephen: To become mates. You have to be friends first, otherwise it's not going to work long-term.
NW: OK, say we do have a really good time, how will you ensure we see each other again?
Stephen: I'd lend you something like my favourite CD, then I'd leave it a couple of days and call you. If I'm keen on someone, I let them know. It mystifies me, all the game-playing that goes on. It's such nonsense.
NW: OK, but what about the kissing game? It's fun to play, but how do you decide between a peck on the cheek and a full-on snog?
Stephen: A lot of men - me included - see women as the fairer sex, so it's sometimes hard to know if you're getting the green light or not. You don't want to be rejected, so, to be on the safe side, you try giving her a peck on the cheek.
NW: Can't you tell whether someone's attracted to you?
Stephen: More often than not, I can. One minute you're chatting, the next you're kissing and thinking: 'How did I get here?' That's fine when it happens, but if you're unsure, you can end up hitting noses, glasses, braces ...
NW: Oh don't, teenage angst. Should you kiss on the first date?
Stephen: Hell yeah, if you fancy each other.
NW: How about a woman who wants to sleep with you?
Stephen: I wouldn't judge her; the same standards apply to both of us. So if I'm on for it, I couldn't call her a slut and not call myself one.
NW: Just how sluttish are you?
Stephen: I've had one-night stands. They serve a purpose if you're both happy about it. Funnily enough, most of my relationships have started off as one-night stands.
NW: That's a bit weird. At what point do you decide to make a commitment then?
Stephen: I find it difficult to commit to someone unless we get on mentally. Good sex alone just isn't enough.
NW: Are you saying sex isn't important?
Stephen: No, it's crucial: how you touch each other, how your bodies fit together, how you kiss...
NW: (Luckily our main courses arrive - Stephen is making me feel twitchy).
Stephen: My favourite film maker is Pedro Almodovar. He combines sex and gaudiness and humour and romance. That's what it's all about. Have you seen Tie Me Up Tie Me Down?
NW: Yeah, with Antonio Banderas.
Stephen: He's not in it.
NW: Yes he is.
Stephen: Well anyway, remember the bit at the beginning when she's in the bath?
NW: Remind me.
Stephen: She's playing with this wind-up plastic diver and the diver slowly paddles up between her thighs, nudging between her legs, nudging and nudging... what a cool way to start a film. It's so symbolic.
NW: Symbolic shmolic, it sounds like a scenario for my next erotic short story.
Stephen: You write those? Fabulous. Do you write stuff like 'gushing love tunnel?'
NW: No, but I will now. And while we're on erotica, can you explain the difference between sexual and sensual?
Stephen: A massage is sexual. No, actually, a massage is sensual and sex is sexual. Sensual doesn't necessarily mean arousal. (He looks confused). What are you getting at?
NW: Just checking you're in touch with your feminine side.
Stephen: I'm not afraid of it. I am sensual, but I'm also very sexual. You want me to be semantic?
NW: Yes.
Stephen: It's basically the difference between fucking someone and making love to them.
NW: Sure.
Stephen: I'd hate to be fucked.
NW: Men aren't usually.
Stephen: I mean, I'd hate to be a woman treated like that by a man.
NW: So you tend towards being a serial monogamist rather than a serial shagger?
Stephen: Pretty much. I was unfaithful to someone once, which I'm not very proud of. She never found out, but I did feel incredibly guilty.
NW: Why didn't you tell her?
Stephen: The only reason for telling her would have been to assuage my guilt. There seemed no point; it would''ve been selfish.
NW: With your track record, do you think marriage will ever be an option?
Stephen: I think it's a good thing for the right relationship, but I've not been in a relationship so far where it's felt that long-term or necessary. Marriage isn't my main goal, it's finding someone I love that's important.
NW: And if you ever found that person, so you think you'd believe in 'happily ever after'?
Stephen: I don't think people should have to stay together all their lives if they drift apart emotionally. What's the point of that? If marriage makes people unhappy, then it's nonsense.
NW: Anything else you think is nonsense?
Stephen: Yeah. The fact you reckon Antonio Banderas is in Tie Me Up Tie Me Down.
NW: Wanna bet?
Stephen: Sure how much?
NW: A tenner.
Stephen: Done
NW: (I kick myself as coffee arrives. I should have bet him a night on the town.)
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